Overwhelmed

The wind blows outside, rustling through the leaves in my garden. I would like to take a walk today in the Spring sunshine but my body is fighting pain and I’m not sure I can even put my shoes on to go outside.

Inside my body, my feelings and emotions are swirling. At this moment, I’m feeling overwhelmed. Besides the physical pain I’m experiencing, my mind can’t seem to shut down.

Do you ever get the feeling of being so overwhelmed by life that you actually can’t do anything??? That’s where I’m at today.

I have a list as long as my arm of things I should do. Except years ago I banned the word ‘should’ from my vocabulary. So I have a list as long as my arm of things I feel I need to do. But there’s so many things on the list and they all take up room in my mind and I don’t have energy to do anything and I don’t know where to start so I just sit in a state of overwhelm.

How did it get to this point? From the outside, I look like I always do. But inside I’m a red, hot mess.

I need to pick one thing on my list and just start there. Take one step. And then another. I can’t look at the whole list, I have to just look at one thing at a time. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I make two lists: one of things I HAVE to do that day and one of things that can be let go of, just for today.

I’ve made those two lists today. And immediately I feel a bit of the overwhelm lifting. Because I don’t have to take on and solve all of my problems today.

As I look at the list of things for today, I am reminded of the power of being in the moment. This moment is all we have. The rest of the moments for infinity are not now.

So what do I need to do today? I need to listen to my body and rest. I can’t do half of the other stuff on my list if I’m doubled up in pain. So rest is number one on the agenda.

Secondly, my daughters are with me this evening. I need to spend some time with them, really being with them to catch up on their lives as they’ve been with their dad all last week. My priority is to cook dinner with them and eat it together, spending time together this evening.

And that’s all I HAVE to do. Be with myself. Be with those I love. The rest of my huge list will sort itself out in the right time, in the right way.

It will come. I’m feeling less overwhelmed already.