Lost and Found

lostandfoundWhy is it that the things we think we want most in life so often elude us? Whether that’s the perfect job, the perfect life partner, the perfect house – what’s the thing in your life that you continually search for?

For me, it’s been finding someone to be my life partner who believes in me. I spent many years and searched a lot of places on this planet to find that person who completes me.

I used to wonder if my expectations were too high. So in my 20s, after most of my friends had married and started having families, I found a guy who met a lot of my criteria.  He was a friend to me when I needed one, he was fun and loved to travel as much as me. He was kind and considerate and didn’t leave his wet towels on the floor (which was a bonus). In a lot of ways, he was perfect but in other ways, he wasn’t. He didn’t communicate with me or understand my emotional side at all (he’s a scientist – full of logic but not a lot of emotional compassion). But they say you can’t have it all, so I decided that if I wanted to get married and have a family, he was probably my best shot.

Over the next twenty years, we had a lot of amazing life experiences together, but there was always something missing for me in our relationship.

It’s taken me leaving our marriage and spending time learning about myself through a variety of methods (therapy, journal writing, long walks, meditation, etc) for me to realise that the problem wasn’t all him, it was really me.

A perfect partner doesn’t really exist.

Once I looked inside myself and sat in the dark that is my mind and soul, I learned that I don’t need someone else to complete me. I just need me. I need me to believe in myself and know that I am enough.

I don’t need to look externally for anything to complete me. Not a man. Not a new job. Not a new house. Not a better car. Just me. I believe in me.

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