“The person who doesn’t value you is blocking you from the one who will. Let them go.” – Robert Tew
For many years I felt undervalued. Sometimes I felt not valued at all. And in my people-pleasing state, I thought that meant that I needed to work harder to become valued. Be a better wife, be a better mother, be a better employee, be a better friend, be better for everyone – everyone except myself.
I worked hard and threw my all into almost every aspect of my life – except self-care. And still I felt un-valued and un-loved. I remember evenings where all I wanted was to sit down and curl up with a book and a cup of tea, but I told myself that I couldn’t. I had to make dinner for the next evening, help the kids with their homework, do two loads of laundry, clean the bathroom, write a presentation for work and do all the other stuff that full-time working mothers do. I got to the point where I couldn’t sit down and just relax. My body didn’t know how to.
But a couple of years ago I began letting things go. Removing the busy-ness from my life. Letting things go that didn’t matter. It was slow at first. I resigned from a couple of volunteer boards that I sat on and each time was faced with people who were shocked that I would leave. They felt let down that I would resign when I had been instrumental in getting so much done for the organisations.
And it made me think maybe they did value me after all? Maybe the problem wasn’t them.
I started meditating again after a break of a number of years and all of the sudden was enveloped in the calm space in my head that gives me clarity to view life.
I came to see that the one blocking me was me. The one who wasn’t valuing me was me.
I couldn’t blame others for the fact that I felt undervalued. I was blocking myself. I allowed others to make me feel small and inferior. I allowed others to put me down. I allowed others to scoff at my spirituality and intuition even though it didn’t sit well with me. I set impossible expectations for myself and for others. And all of these things blocked me from valuing my true self.
Each time I allowed something to happen to me, I wasn’t valuing my true self — who I am.
Over a period of time, I have let that me go.
I value myself now. I prioritise myself now. I have let go of people and things who don’t serve me well. I put myself first and look at things differently. With each opportunity that comes my way, I ask ‘Does this serve me? Is this something or someone that I am drawn to? How does this make me feel?’
I am learning to say no when I feel something doesn’t serve me, and mean it.
I realise that my time is precious to me. We’re only given about 85 years on this planet (that’s average life expectancy for women in Australia). That equates to 44,676,000 minutes. And the scary thing is that I’ve used more than half of those minutes up.
I don’t want to waste any more of those minutes.
I have too many things to see and do and be in this lifetime.
And the interesting thing is that the more I look after myself, the more I value myself, the more wonderful opportunities come my way to help others – through my writing, through conversations, through my actions. So I’m not being selfish. I’m doing what’s true for me and listening to my heart and looking after myself. And in turn this is helping others.
It’s made me realise, if I don’t value myself, who will? I’ve been given a gift of this one, amazing life and I intend to see it to the end. I’m the only one who has to live with myself each and every day of my life. So each day I am committed to being the best me I can be that day. Valuing the effort that I’ve put in that day. Valuing me for who I am, not for what I’m doing.
And so far, I’m having an awful lot of fun along the way. It’s amazing what happens when you remove the biggest block in your life – you.